Ryan’s Blog

Quite angry, mostly at myself, because I can’t seem to learn the above lesson.

Apparently, according to Cheryl, the reason for this discrepancy between the way I am/act (because I am very much myself and proud of it) and the way people see me is all in my birthchart. So for whatever reason the universe seems to think it’s a good idea to throw up interference between the reality of me and what everyone sees and hears.

Which is really annoying (and I know, even among my friend there are people who face struggles so great in just being themselves I couldn’t even imagine it, but these are mine and these are what I understand to be struggles) because no matter what I do, because I am driven by so force that has always been with me, I am always going to be myself, and causes enough problems. So lets start from the beginning, ok, if people are born with the sexuality that they have then I’m already born with a fight on my hands (thank you society), add to that a higher than average IQ (not bragging), as many of you know that a problem for a lot of people. So I was born with built-in social problems, was it really necessary then to add in the distortion?

I sick and tired of constantly trying to help others only for every other thing I do and say to be picked-up wrong and to have people angry at me for something I didn’t do (and here’s the real kicker) and would never do, and anyone who knows should know that I would never do.

What I need is an Emotishirt. A T-shirt that instead of a logo would have my current mood on it. So people wouldn’t think that I was being serious when I was only joking, or that I was depressed/moody when really I was quite happy working away on my laptop with my Skittles or think I’m dissing their degree when I’m trying to comfort them. And this is what I’m talking about anyone who knows anything about me should know I would never do that! All I ever do is try to help people, I just want my friends and people I like to be happy or at least comforted. Good god it’s not like I ask for much in return.

Quite frankly I’m furious right now.